How to Set Up Your Spouse Well

No one likes to imagine losing their spouse. It’s one of life’s most painful possibilities. But planning for the unthinkable is actually one of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse, and your family. 

In my experience as a financial advisor, I’ve seen how thoughtful preparation can bring clarity, peace, and provision during life’s hardest moments. And I’ve also seen how the lack of preparation can add stress, confusion, and regret to an already overwhelming time. 

This blog will help you think through how to set your spouse up well, financially, practically, and relationally, so that if something were to happen to you, they would be equipped to move forward with confidence. 

1️⃣ Create a Simple, Organized Financial Roadmap 

One of the most loving things you can do is make sure your spouse knows where everything is and how it works. 

Create a simple document or binder (physical and/or digital) that contains: 

• Account list 

Bank accounts, investment accounts, retirement accounts, life insurance policies. 

• How to access them 

Login details stored securely (password manager, or printed in sealed envelope in safe). 

• Contacts 

Financial advisor, CPA, estate attorney, key business partners. 

• Bills + recurring payments 

Mortgage, utilities, subscriptions, insurance premiums. 

• Debts and obligations 

Loans, credit cards, business debts. 

• Life insurance details 

Policies, payout amounts, who to call. 

• Estate documents 

Will, trust documents, healthcare directives, powers of attorney. 

• Personal notes 

Any wishes about how funds should be used, charitable gifts, notes to children. 

Why this matters: 

Even if your spouse is capable, trying to piece all this together while grieving can feel overwhelming. Having a clear “here’s what you need to know” guide saves them emotional energy, and prevents mistakes. 

2️⃣ Get Estate Documents in Place 

If you don’t have updated estate documents, this is priority #1. 

At minimum, make sure you have: 

• A will that names guardians (if needed) and clearly distributes assets. 

• A trust if appropriate (especially if you want to avoid probate or manage complex assets). 

• Powers of attorney (financial and healthcare) for each spouse. 

• Advance healthcare directives (living will). 

Common mistake: 

One spouse handles the finances, and the other isn’t sure what documents even exist. Sit down together, review everything, and make sure your spouse understands what’s in place and why. 

3️⃣ Right-Size Your Life Insurance 

In many families, life insurance is either under-thought or overestimated. 

Ask: 

• If you passed away, what income would your spouse need to replace? 

• Would they stay in the current home, or would downsizing make more sense? 

• Are debts covered? 

• What future expenses should be planned for (kids’ college, weddings, charitable legacy)? 

A good rule of thumb: enough life insurance to replace key income and cover major obligations for 10–15 years is a strong baseline, but it depends on your family’s values and goals. 

If one spouse stays at home or works part-time, don’t forget to value their contribution too, childcare, homemaking, and managing the household have real costs if they must be replaced. 

Pro tip: Have an annual “life insurance check-in”—your needs change as your life evolves. 

4️⃣ Make Sure Beneficiaries Are Up to Date 

This one is often missed and can cause major headaches later. 

Double-check that: 

• Retirement accounts (401(k), IRA, etc) have the right beneficiaries listed. 

• Life insurance policies are accurate. 

• Any transfer-on-death or payable-on-death accounts are correct. 

Why it matters: 

Your will doesn’t override these designations. The beneficiary forms control who gets the money—so they need to match your current intentions. 

5️⃣ Teach Financial Literacy (If Needed) 

In many marriages, one spouse handles most of the financial details. 

If that’s you, it’s critical that your spouse isn’t left unprepared. 

Have intentional financial conversations: 

• Walk through the family budget. 

• Explain how accounts are invested. 

• Discuss how bills are paid and what happens automatically. 

• Review how to contact your key advisors. 

If your spouse isn’t comfortable managing finances alone, consider working together with a trusted financial advisor so that they already have a relationship built before it’s ever needed. 

A personal note: I’ve seen many surviving spouses forced to trust a stranger in the midst of grief because their spouse never introduced them to the advisor ahead of time. This is avoidable, and building that relationship proactively is a gift. 

6️⃣ Write a Personal Letter 

One of the most meaningful ways you can love your spouse is through your words, not just your plans. 

Consider writing a personal letter: 

• Expressing your love and hopes for them 

• Sharing how you hope they’ll use any inheritance or insurance wisely 

• Affirming their ability to move forward with strength 

• Giving permission for joy and rebuilding in the years ahead 

Place this letter with your estate documents. Many families have told me this was the most cherished part of what their spouse left behind. 

7️⃣ Have an Annual “What If” Conversation 

This isn’t morbid, it’s loving leadership. 

Once a year, sit down and review: 

• Where things stand financially 

• Where key documents are located 

• What the plan is if something happens 

• What could be improved 

Make it normal, not scary. When life changes (new baby, business sale, retirement), update the plan.

8️⃣ Consider a Trusted Support Network 

If your spouse would be the one managing things alone, think through who else could be a helpful support: 

• A sibling or close friend with financial wisdom 

• Your financial advisor (be sure both spouses have met and trust them) 

• A CPA familiar with your taxes and estate structure 

Make sure your spouse knows who they can lean on; grieving is hard enough without trying to figure it all out solo. 

Final Thoughts: A Legacy of Love 

Preparing for the worst isn’t about fear. It’s about love. 

When you set your spouse up well: 

• You give them clarity when they’ll need it most. 

• You reduce unnecessary stress and conflict. 

• You protect your shared values and legacy. 

• You model good stewardship to your children and community. 

It’s one of the most practical, powerful ways you can say: 

At Providence Capital, we help families walk through these conversations with wisdom and care, so that your financial life reflects what matters most to you. If you’d like help building a plan that serves your spouse and your legacy well, we’d be honored to talk. 

Because good planning isn’t about money. It’s about love. 

Providence Capital LLC is a registered investment adviser.  Information presented is for educational purposes only and does not intend to make an offer or solicitation for the sale or purchase of any specific securities, investments, or investment strategies.  Investments involve risk and, unless otherwise stated, are not guaranteed.  Be sure to first consult with a qualified financial adviser and/or tax professional before implementing any strategy discussed herein. Past performance is not indicative of future performance.